Gang aft agley   Leave a comment

Wondering what happened, precedently.

You want to know what I did on the weekend of the 7th and 8th of January? Here you go: I played Deus Ex: Human Revolution, trimmed my face, ate a jacket spud (tasty, with cheese and roast veg; the first things to use my microwave’s oven mode), went to Lidl, and made a curry (the same pork Dhansak as usual).

So if the next post will be about Deus Ex, the only thing that’s left to say in this one is that, for some reason, I wrote “Aldi” instead of “Lidl” in my notes. Maybe reasonably-priced Germanic supermarkets are insufficiently distinctive, maybe I’m going mad or regressing. Perhaps I’m just an idiot.

In any case, that’s only 110 words. So what else? Hmm. Well, it marks the end of the first week of the new year, so as it’s now about 2% complete, let’s pretend that I had a think about 2012 and my plans and hopes for it. I didn’t, of course; I was far too busy getting Adam Jensen killed, and one of the reasons I play computer games is to avoid thinking about (or having anything to do with) real life, so the two are more or less mutually exclusive. But maybe it will do some good for somebody.

I’m not generally much of one for hope for the future; hope is, as I’ve quoted before, the first step on the road to disappointment; but things are looking, well, less hopeless than for most of the time since I left university. I generally consider my student days to have been the good bit, and the time since to have just been things going somewhere between wrong and disappointingly while the duration of my existence tick by. But, currently, I earn enough money and own a (largely decrepit, but functional) house, so materially I’m doing fine.

So that’s the past and present, what about THE FUTURE? Hmm. For someone who gets very upset if the next couple of days aren’t carefully planned, or if those plans are interrupted, I’m quite bad at any kind of long-term goals. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve a total lack of aims or ambitions. Where do people get such things? I don’t know. So maybe I should break it down by topic. What do I care about?

Computer games! Yep, I’ll play some of those, pretty certain. Deus Ex, Skyrim, Bastion and Pride of Nations are all near the top of the to-play pile, but it tends to be “what I feel like at the time”; Mirror’s Edge and Recettear have both been quite near the top for over a year.

Okay, so that’s that. Still not many words, or any useful knowledge. What about everything else, then?

Work. On the one hand, I’d like my job to be more interesting, and maybe be in an industry that isn’t utterly worthless. On the other, it generally doesn’t demand too much of my time, only requires token human interaction, and never requires I leave my house. As a more interesting job would probably require I talked to people and actually went to work (it might even require commuting, which I’ve done before and is absolutely without merit), I can’t imagine it would be worth the trouble. Also, my current job seems fairly safe and reliable, and I’m due a decent pay-rise this year; a new job would be uncertain and risky, and, well, risk is bad. And there may be cause to look into a substantial, and probably way beyond my ken, project for work this year, so that might give me all the interesting times I could possibly wish for.
A new job would also involve job-hunting. I’m not going to say job hunting is the worst thing in the world, but compared to – say – getting cancer, it doesn’t hold up well. Cancer, at least, has good points; you’ll lose weight, and if your hair falls out it means you don’t have to bother cutting it. Then, if it all goes horribly wrong, you’ll just suffer a slow, painful and debilitating death. But still, it’s a faster and more dignified route to oblivion than filling in another pointless form, or getting dressed up in the stupid costume to go to another futile round of inane questions asked by people who want you to pretend that their company is somehow special, and that you’re in it for some reason beyond the BACS transfer at the end of the month.
So, barring mishaps, I think I’ll stick with my current job. Work is, after all, just a tedious, quasi-necessary evil, at least until we invent robots that can do it all for us. Then we could get on with something interesting instead.

House. The two remaining rooms upstairs shouldn’t take too long, assuming I work up the enthusiasm to do yet more filling and sanding at some point. A skilled and hard-working individual could probably get them finished inside a month, so if they only take three or four I’ll be quite chuffed. But well, that means…
The downstairs is the big job. Particularly the kitchen. It needs completely ripping out, down to the concrete, and starting from scratch. A wall needs building. It’s a job that I’d want doing quickly – it is, after all, the kitchen – but that I know, even if I magicked up enough money to pay builders to come in and do it all, would drag on for weeks. Without that, I can’t even begin to guess how long it’ll take; should there be an ‘s’ on the word “year”?
As the saying goes, it has to get worse to get better. But when you know just how worse it will become, you can’t help but think that you could just live with it how it is.

Body (because let’s not pretend, by calling it “health”, that there’s anything other than vanity about it. Well, except for the motive to be better at at least one of punching and running than any enemy human(s) who assault me). I’ll lose the weight I (deliberately and enthusiastically) gained at Christmas (a confident and definitive statement about improvements in the future. See? I can do this). So it’ll help to go back to the gym, which I’d be more enthusiastic about if my new headphones had turned up yet. Also, if it didn’t involve leaving the house and the threat of human interaction (which is an important reason for the headphones). It’ll also require another dose of diet-moderation, which’ll be quite nice after the Christmas excesses. I want to get rid of (ie. eat) the remains of my goodie stockpile first, though; I have plans to try out. I’ll write more about it at the time.
After dispelling the annoying flabby belly, though? Hmm. It’s kinda hard to justify going to the gym (or exercise in general) for its own sake; it’s not as much fun as playing games, of course, and it doesn’t get anything done on any of the other projects I want to happen. You could argue that it means you’re likely to live longer, but unless each hour exercising guarantees you’ll live more than one hour longer (which it can’t, obviously), you’re onto a loser there; you’re spending time when you’re relatively young and healthy in the hope of more time when you’re absolutely old and decrepit. Looking at it like that it doesn’t sound terribly sensible. Oh well!

Coding and reading. These are both things I’d like to do more of. The trick is finding the time: what do I drop to make the time to do them? Or of using my time more productively, which could probably be served by blocking all traffic to port 80 on my router, but, alas, in the modern online world that’d probably make work and everything else impossible.

Social life. I don’t have one of these, and don’t expect one to turn up in the next year. This is because I don’t have the time or inclination to put any effort into it. No inclination? I find people very hard work, stressful, and scary. Even if you somehow manage to get into some kind of social group, then people move around, lose contact and die; organisations change and close. You can put in a lot of effort to wind up back where you started, so it feels like more trouble than it’s worth. Even if I had the inclination, I wouldn’t know where to begin. To the degree that, while that sentence really needs a semi-colon followed by an explanation rather than its full stop, I really can’t think of what that might entail. You’d be better off asking me to design a solar-gas harvester in Mandarin; at least I have some concept of what that might entail. Gosh, I’m bad at humans.
I could claim that I’d make some effort to go out more, or interact with people, or be more sociable, but it would be a lie so I won’t. Quite a lot of the time I find the notion of such things (unless, and this is an important caveat, and not one added just because I’d like to still have some by the end of this post, it involves my extant friends; alas, such things are rare because they all live on or around the Moon or Mars) as somewhere between horrifying and repulsive.
That all said, I’ve plans to go out on Thursday. So who knows.

Romance. Hahahaha.

No, seriously. See “Social life”, only moreso. “Romance” is a cringe- and squirm-inducing word, isn’t it? But the other options were “love”, which is possibly even worse, or “biological imperative”, which is perhaps a bit clinical. Or “fucking”, but that’s crude and would probably make people think my motivations even less chivalrous than they actually are. Anyway, I can’t help but feel I should care about this more than I do, which leads to a sort of meta-caring; I don’t really care, which makes me care that I don’t and think that I should, so I sort of care because I don’t really. And maybe I’m missing out on something? Which is always a great worry, isn’t it. Anyway, some sex might be nice, but it is over-rated, and all the faff, bother, and stuff mentioned under “social life” means it’s almost certainly not worth the trouble. Unless it literally falls onto my lap, but in my experience that’s unlikely.

I think that’s everything. Work, building a better house and body, entertainment, life and love. Have the preceeding fifteen-hundred-odd words shed any light on my future? We’ll see. Doubtless I’ll come back to proofread it in a day or two, and we’ll see what I make of it then.

Post-proofread note: yep, they were fifteen-hundred-odd words, all right. Even if not fifteen-hundred odd words.


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