Bread case   Leave a comment

Wrong in the loaf.

On Monday the 28th I went to Greggs to buy some bread. They didn’t have any, which is a common occurence. I know it was optimistic of me, but where else could I go? Nowhere else closer than Morrisons even pretends to sell it.

The most frustrating thing was that they’d had some, but before anybody had even tried to buy it they’d ruined it completely. Why would they spoil a loaf by cutting it all up? What possible use is that? Bird food, maybe. If you don’t have discerning birds. It’s such an obviously stupid thing for somebody to do; the instant you slice the loaf every single slice will start going stale. If you only slice what you need, the bread will stay nice for much longer. They claim to be bakers, shouldn’t they know this?
Even if you ignore wanting to eat nice bread, pre-sliced bread is rubbish because all the slices are the same thickness. Which guarantees that some will be too thin, and others too thick, for the purpose you have in mind. Toast, for instance – or particularly bread for frying (the only use for cheap, white sliced bread) – needs thin slices, or it doesn’t go crispy in the middle (although toast that’s crispy on the outside and still squidgy on the inside is also nice, but not always what you want). Bread for sandwiches should be at least an inch thick, for structural support and fillingness (I’m sure some people cringed at that thought, but! If you get good bread, then it is a tasty part of the sandwich, rather than just a quasi-edible transport mechanism).

Why would anyone want this? To conserve the four seconds it takes to slice bread? There is no hope for people who would make their lives so much worse because of such pathetic laziness.

This is why pre-sliced bread should be banned. It’s awful and inexcusable. Fun fact: it actually was banned in parts of America for a few months during World War II, but the ban was unpopular and was soon rescinded. I don’t know why they felt they should pander to idiots; no good ever comes of it.

Greggs did have some inferior substitutes (white loaves and those half-size loaves that still cost the same as a big one) to go with their ruined, worthless (*spit*) pre-sliced “bread”, but I wasn’t going to pay them to be useless. Instead I went to Lidl; they sell one type of roll that is okay, and I needed some other bits anyway.

This meant I discovered that they were selling off trifles. I love trifle! This meant that my day’s treat, rather than a nice, tasty fresh loaf, was half a sherry trifle. Just as good. The only downside to eating half a trifle is that it makes you really want to eat the other half of the trifle, but I thought 672kCal was enough to be getting on with. That’s a third more calories than the curry I had for dinner contained. Which was probably just as well, really.

In the evening I went to the gym, and managed to jog the long way home. Hurrah! So my leg seems to have finally fixed itself. I’m still surprised that I can actually run a mile; in school I barely managed four hundred metres once, and by the end of that I was begging for the merciful oblivion of death.

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