This little piggy   Leave a comment

Went into my belly, by installments.

Sunday was one of those annoyingly busy days, but I still didn’t seem to get that much done. Bought some vegetables to go with my pork, and mixed some sambal-something into my egg-mix to stop it tasting of egg.

Decided I’d do slow-roast pulled pork, so coated it in chilli, mustard seeds, garlic and some other spices I had to hand, put it in my lidded roasting-dish, and shoved it in the oven. Forget about it for four or five hours. It was about 5pm by now, so dinner would be late. Ho hum.

Next up was getting the walls in the spare room to the point where I could fill in the holes, so what I had to do was make holes in them. Pulling out wall plugs and loose or lumpy plaster and concrete (including quite a large lump of concrete that didn’t seem to be attached, and came out without much effort. There’s now quite a large hole in one wall. That probably shouldn’t happen, right?), and for some reason some paper and cardboard (and possibly old wrappers, I didn’t examine too closely) that’d been used as packing around an old, removed electrical socket. The previous owners really were very stupid, and quite disgusting.

Talking of disgusting, the room’s previous denizen had noticed that some of the floorboards were loose, and so decided to use the space beneath them as an ashtray. I can’t conceive of the mentality that would think that was a good idea, but hopefully it’s the same kind of mentality that puts its limbs into wood-chippers and skips down motorways. I used the industrial hoover and sucked up all the fag-ends last year, but it has since became apparent that it still stinks (and few things smell worse than cigarettes. Couldn’t they have just left a corpse? Then the police would’ve came and dealt with it. Well, probably. You can’t hope for much from the police.). I’m not sure what to do about that; clearly the floorboards have to come up again, but how can you wash plasterboard? Mum suggests wire-brushing it and hoovering up the dust. Maybe that’ll do. Still, ugh. Suggestions welcome.

Back to something far less unpleasant. Paragraph break left to seperate the two. Weather’s been changable lately, hasn’t it? You’re never sure whether it’s going to be sunny and showers, rainy, cloudy, windy or what. Makes drying the washing a bit of a nuisance. Easier just to hang most things up indoors and forget about them.

Eventually – some time after ten – it was time to get on with dinner. Shove in veg to roast, crank the heat, take the lid off the roaster. Ambivalently, all the crackling crackled really well, so there was a bit of a dilemma on the calorie-counting. Crackling doesn’t keep, so I can’t actually share it out over several days with the rest of the pork. It’s also the best bit, so letting it go to waste would be terrible. And I didn’t know how many calories were in the crackling versus the rest of the pork, as I didn’t know how much just the pork weighed raw.

What I did was eat all the crackling on Sunday, because to do otherwise would be a crying shame (it really was very nice), and then divided up the calories as if I had shared the crackling along with the rest of the pork. Clearly, this was a lie, but it was one that would work out better than trying for the truth: firstly, I didn’t have the data to calculate the truth. Secondly, if I’d been able to keep track of it accurately, Sunday would’ve been over-calorie. Ho hum. The other days I ate pork, as the crackling wouldn’t have been counted, I’d’ve been able to eat more to make up for it. Therefore, I’d’ve been over by several hundred calories. By dividing the whole lot up, Sunday doesn’t look as bad as it was, but I have fewer calories to play with on the other days, so it balances out in the long run.

And it’s all about averages and long runs.

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