Hobnobbled   Leave a comment

Deep, philosophical questions.

On Friday I’d had a better night’s sleep as I didn’t have any assistance or visitors, so I could get up at noon and bumble along in the haphazard, directionless manner that is my wont. Shopping was necessary; a good excuse to buy more biscuits, although tragically Lidl don’t sell Hobnob knockoffs. Aldi sell really nice Hobnob knockoffs – probably even better than actual Hobnobs – so they should be your reasonably-priced Germanic supermarket of choice if Hobnob knockoffs are what you desire. And if they’re not, why not?

Sadly, eventually I ran out of distra procrast useful household chores, and so had to return to the decorating (and the podcasts!).

I decided that I’d get on with the last (or, at least, penultimate) bits of painting and sanding, because I hate that less than wallpapering. Whilst I was at it I had a think about what I was doing and why.

Practically, what is decorating for? As far as I can work out, it’s to stop you getting covered in pink dust every time you brush against a bare plaster wall, although that’s much worse with old plaster than fresh plaster.

People might argue that it’s the appearance that matters, but does it? I currently live in a room with scraped (almost) bare plaster walls that look like something Jackson Pollock would do in beige and blue, beneath a sagging, peeling, knackered ceiling, with an appallingly-painted radiator and a second-hand no-pile carpet not even stuck to the bare floorboards beneath it.

Do I notice? Not unless I specifically go out of my way to do so. So, the question is prompted, why waste such huge amounts of time and effort on decorating? Why not just get some matt emulsion of whatever colour (just not beige. Never, ever beige. It’s foul.), water it down a bit like you would for fresh plaster, and liberally daub a couple of layers over the whole damn lot – walls, ceilings and skirting-boards – before putting a carpet down properly (because they are soft and warm and help keep the noise down and out). It’d be clean, it wouldn’t be dusty, it wouldn’t take one-tenth of the time or faffing to accomplish.

So what I’m doing is wasting time, effort and making a huge mess, and why I’m doing it because I’m barmy.

I got to bed at about 4am.


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