Supporting the Greggs hypothesis   Leave a comment


Yesterday I didn’t go to the gym, again. I’m getting quite good at that. It actually makes a nice change not having two hours or so of your evenings eaten up by futile “being healthy” nonsense.

Sadly, sitting at home by yourself is the road to madness. Clearly; if you were not mad, you wouldn’t be sitting in the road. This fact, combined with a lack of bread, was the inspiration for my plan for the evening: a daring solo raid on Morrisons.

Primary Objectives:

Aquire bread.
Reconnoitre for reasonably-priced coffee and, if discovered, purchase several weeks’ supply.

Secondary Objectives:
Investigate available special offers and reductions.
Purchase those special offers which will further the cause of the Colthor Empire; eg. avoiding starvation for as little money as possible.

Bonus Objectives:
Avoid those special offers and reductions of significant, unnecessary calorific value.

Operative arrived at mission area shortly after 20:00. He then briefly and unsuccessfuly scouted the Vegetable and Refrigerated regions for reductions before proceeding to the time-critical Bakery objective. En-route, the opportunity to aquire a carton of Cadbury’s Heroes for £2 was exploited.

In the Bakery, available reductions were few in number but high in value. Two large cheese-and-onion pasties and two Bacon Twists were aquired before investigating the first primary objective.
At this point the mission hit a major setback: there were no unsliced loaves available; intelligence suggests this was due to the lateness of the hour relative to the shop’s 21:00 cessation of business. The operative decided against the purchase of an inferior, sliced loaf, instead returning to the Bakery Reductions Trolley to investigate potential substitutes. Six wholemeal finger rolls were deemed acceptable for the cost of nine pence, despite being insufficient for completion of the primary objective.

The operative then travelled to the Hot Drinks Aisle for the second primary objective. This was more successful; several varieties were on offer at the price of £2 per 100g, and half a kilo – estimated as five weeks’ supply – was aquired.

Next, the operative undertook a systematic, store-wide search-and-buy operation in persuit of his secondary objectives. Cereal and sandwich spreads were aquired, as well as a few staple ingredients that presented themselves.

A final reconnaisance sweep discovered Fox’s Classic Creams and reduced fishcakes before the operative left the mission area.

Primary Objectives:
Partial success. It is unknown if the operative’s tardiness resulted in the failure to purchase a loaf.

Secondary Objectives: Success.

Bonus Objectives: Failed.

Operative has been reprimanded regarding both his time-keeping and lack of appreciation for calorific content.

Operative will need to undertake another sortie in the near future in order to correct this mission’s poor bread aquisition result.


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